Young at Heart
by lazywriter123
Summary: A messed up spell, turns Harry back into an six year old in an attempt for the Dark Lord to remove his Horcrux from Harry. Now with no memory, Harry assumes his dad his Voldemort and insanity insues on Riddle Manor.
1. Chapter 1

I don't own Harry Potter (this includes books, movies, etc.)

**Summary: Voldemort found out that Harry was a Horcrux and had hm kidnapped right from his relative's home. In his attempt to remove his soul from Harry, he tries making Harry a baby again just before he was made into a horcrux to cancel out what happened. However, the spell backfired and only turned Harry back into a six year old boy. **

**Even worse, the Horcrux is exists and Harry has no memory of who he was in his real age. Then the sh*t hits the fan when Harry starts thinking that Voldemort is his dad. **

**This is a little OoC for humor or course and just to make you laugh. This chapter isn't funny, yet it's more of an intro into what happened. **

Enjoy

Taking Harry Potter from his home was so easy that it almost made Voldemort laugh out loud…well almost. When he found out that he mistaking made Potter into one of his horcuxs he finally understood why he couldn't kill him, because he was a piece of himself. With this in mind, he would have to remove it without damaging his soul and find another vessel to put it into.

He already had Harry unconscious in one of his many guestrooms in the Riddle Manor. His servant Severus Snape was already looking to find a possible potion that could be used to carefully remove the soul fragment. After about six days, he found nothing so it was up to Voldemort to do some heavy research.

Back at Hogwarts and the wizard world, everyone was in panic when they found that Harry was missing. Massive search parties were sent out to hopefully find Harry in one piece. Though Harry was safe, under a heavy sleeping potion that is, it wouldn't be long before Voldemort would kill Harry once his soul was safe.

Eventually he came up with a good but risky idea. There was a possibility that if Harry was de-aged back to when he was not a horcrux, in this case a newborn baby or at most several months old, the horcrux might be negated from Harry's soul and leave his soul fragment unharmed. It was a stretch but his options were limited.

Harry, of course, was still under a powerful sleeping curse while he was placed on a stone slab that was conjured by Voldemort in his manor one day night.

A de-ageing spell was very complicated because it was basically reversing time and age on a living being. One false word or stutter could end in disaster.

Several candles were laid out in the correct pattern around the slab as well as incantation symbols and other necessary tools to perform the spell correctly.

Once all was laid out precisely, Voldemort uttered the magic words slowly and exactly as they were to be told. Severus Snape, Lucius Malfoy as well as some other death eaters watched with held breaths.

Once the words were spoken…nothing happened. Voldemort blinked in confusion, he was sure the spell was done correctly.

Suddenly, Harry started convulsing wildly on the slab. His breathing increased and sweat appeared on his brow. Snape and Voldemort rushed over to him quickly to see what went wrong. If Harry died, then a piece of his soul would die with it, thus bringing him closer to his mortal state again. That was something Voldemort couldn't allow.

Snape checked over Harry with spells and saw that Harry temp was running at about 106 degrees. If his temperature increased anymore, the boy would die.

Snape quickly took Harry back to his room, he was gasping for breath at this point. Voldemort and the rest of the death eaters watched in shock and confusion. What had gone wrong? Could revering Harry back to his state before his body was made a horcrux be impossible?

Harry's life at this point was in Snape's hands as he gave him potion after potion and scan after scan.

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About an hour later, Harry's condition had stabilized and was no longer at risk of death from a dangerous fever.

Snape couldn't pinpoint the exact cause of the fever but could say that his body was under enormous stress in a short period of time and then suddenly stopped.

What a bizarre turn of events. Voldemort knew he had to do more research.

However, back in Harry's room, Harry started to shrink.

His clothes became too big and he disappeared under the covers. He was still asleep and the adults in the other room had no idea that the spell worked…sort of that is.

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About two hours later, Snape returned to Harry's room to give him some mediceine when he say that Harry was no longer in bed. He rushed to the bed and looked for any possible sign of him, when he noticed a large lump under the massive covers.

When he removed them, he was stunned to see Harry Potter…as a child! He looked to be around six years old maybe seven.

The clothes he was wearing were baggy and way too big for him.

He was sleeping soundly while Snape went to report this development to Voldemort.

They returned to the room just as Harry was waking up, with a soft sigh, Harry looked at the snake faced man and the man with longish black hair.

Suddenly Harry gave them a huge smile and leapt out of bed and hugged Voldemort, "DADDY!"

Snape fainted.

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	2. Chapter 2

I don't own Harry Potter (this includes books, movies, etc.)

Enjoy

It took Voldemort several seconds to comprehend that Harry Potter was _hugging _him. Even worse, he called him "Daddy"?

He looked down at Harry and back up, then back down, then back up again. He looked over at Snape who had fainted…then back down at Harry.

"What the HELL!"

Voldemort pushed the child away and he fell to the floor. For a second, no one said a word, especially since Snape was still passed out. Then tears fell from Harry's eyes as he cried softly.

"Daddy…."

Voldemort sighed; pushing the child away wouldn't solve the problem. That fact is that Harry was not a toddler and for some reason, thought he was his father. Why?

Snape woke up and got to his feet slowly, "Severus check Potter over for any signs of injury from his transformation."

At the same time, he also checked to see if the Horcrux was still there. If it wasn't…well Harry would no longer be needed around.

To his shock and horror, Voldemort found that his soul was still in Harry's. He could try to de-age Potter again, but after nearly killing the boy, it may not be the best idea.

Harry was still crying for his "father" as Snape finally concluded that Harry wasn't injured in any way and the transformation didn't affect anything.

However there was the matter of his memory.

Voldemort silently and reluctantly, picked up the child and carried him to the bed where he took a tissue and cleaned his face of tears.

"…Po-Harry, you know that's your name correct?"

Harry nodded slowly. "Alright do you remember anything else, friends, other family, school perhaps" Voldemort said gently.

Harry shook his head, "I remember seeing you a lot and the scary looking man next to you. I remember someone with really blonde hair too…that's about it."

"Ok, you remember anything about magic or school."

Harry thought for a moment, "No…I remember doing magic but not school."

The two adults left Harry to talk outside for a moment.

"It appears that his memory is scattered all over the place. But he does remember about us, which surprises me. What should we do my lord?"

"We can't kill him; he still has a piece of my soul. We should try to either turn Harry back into a teenager or get my soul out of him another way."

"So basically Harry is stuck like this" sighed Snape.

Suddenly they heard a large crash coming from the bedroom. They rushed in to Find Harry swinging from the light hanging from the ceiling. Some of the bulbs had fallen off.

"I'M A FLYING MONKEY" Harry screamed from the top of his lungs.

"HARRY GET DOWN" roared Voldemort.

"Catch me dad!"

He let go of the lights and Voldemort managed to catch him before he fell to the floor.

"WHAT WERE YOU THINKING" shouted Voldemort.

"I tried to do magic and I ended up on the ceiling."

Snape hung his head, "Oh dear Merlin."

PLEASE REVIEW: Sorry it's so short, I'm short on time nowadays.


	3. Chapter 3

I don't own Harry Potter (includes books, movies, etc.)

Enjoy

After Voldemort put Harry down on the bed and scolded him for doing something so stupid and reckless, he and Snape left the child alone as they attended to some work that needed to be taken care of.

They conjured various toys for Harry to play with and some books to read to keep him occupied. Voldemort went to his office for paper work and Snape left for the potions lab in the basement to work on some new projects.

For now, the manor was silent.

After only five minutes….

CRASH! SMASH!

Everyone in the manor rushed to find the source of the noises. It eventually led them to the dining room, where Harry turned the once dark and depressing room with a large black table…into a room full of candy, clowns that can only speak gibberish, a dragon that breaths ice cream and the ceiling was covered in vines and monkeys.

"DADDY WATCH ME FLY" shouted Harry from up in the vines. When Voldemort stepped in he now realized how they really underestimate Harry's magic. It was practically fueled on his overactive imagination.

"HARRY GET DOWN NOW AND CLEAN THIS ALL UP" roared the Dark Lord. But instead, Harry had the monkeys throw banana cream pies at his and the death eater's faces.

Voldemort's temper was at a breaking point, "Don't kill the child, immobilize him and his magic at all cost" he ordered.

They jumped into action and fired spell after spell to stop the young potter child. But Harry smiled and dodged all the death eater's had fired at him.

The dragon started pummeling them to the ground with soft serve ice cream.

As Harry continued to laugh and play, he was surprised by a spell that stunned him. Harry was on the floor, completely immobilized.

It was the Dark Lord that fired the shot and he picked up the child and carried him back to his room while shouting, "CLEAN THIS ROOM UP!"

He placed Harry onto his bed and sighed heavily, "Harry, I want you to stay in this room, and NEVER leave unless I'm with you or one of my servants are with you. UNDERSTAND?"

Harry gave him sad eyes in an attempt to show how sorry he was. "The spell will wear off in an hour" said Voldemort then he walked out of the room while locking the door as well.

However, little Harry gave an evil smirk; he did dodge the spell his father through at him but pretended to be paralyzed. So for a whole hour, he could sneak around the manor unnoticed. Oh the trouble he could cause.

For some reason, the moment Harry woke up as a child again, he felt the urge to cause pranks and trouble where ever he went. Sound familiar?

**About an hour later-**

"HARRY POTTER" shouted Snape as he left his lab with his hair now the color pink and his skin now had blue polka-dotes.

Harry laughed as he ran back up out of the basement.

PLEASE REVIEW- Next chapters are pretty much scenarios of Harry causing trouble at things like, dinner, meetings, raids, etc.


	4. Chapter 4

I don't own Harry Potter (this includes books, movies, etc.)

Enjoy

Once Snape was able to get his hair and clothes back to normal and Voldemort was able to prevent him from killing Harry, they had the six year old magically locked in his room with things to do so hopefully he would not bother anyone or at least escape.

"That child is EVIL I tell you" growled Snape.

Voldemort sighed in frustration, the boy WAS a monster but he was vital to his immortality at the moment so getting rid of him wasn't an option.

"I have yet to find a way to return him to his normal age. The spell I used was complicated and to reverse it would need a powerful potion of some sort. However, there is still the matter of his memory loss. Perhaps the potion could restore his memory as well."

"Then we still have a horecrux to deal with" Snape said.

The Dark Lord nodded, "We should leave Potter in this state, at least he can't truly attempt to escape back to Dumbledore or his friends."

Snape nodded in agreement. Suddenly, Lucius rushed into the Dark Lord's study.

"MY LORD THE CHILD HAS ESCAPED!"

"What is this kid? Houdini!"

They ran out of the study and to Harry's room which was unlocked and all the locking spells were gone.

Then they heard a loud hiss noise and a child's laughter. They stealthy went to the source of the noise and found in one of the vacant rooms, Harry had Voldemort's pet snake Nagini, trapped so her body was like a suspended jump rope and Harry had used his magic to have her body in the air while swinging around and around like a jump rope while he was singing,

"My name is Harry, I'm pretty scary. My dad isn't hairy but he has a ukulele…."

"HARRY POTTER! PUT MY SNAKE DOWN RIGHT NOW" roared the Dark Lord. The snake plopped to the ground and kept saying, _"Oh thank Merlin you came. This child is psychotic I TELL YOU."_

Voldemort tried to grab Harry but he managed to escape out of the room and run down the hall.

He used his magic once again to turn the walls into many different colors and any décor in the halls was either turned into toys, candy or a combination of both.

"STOP THE CHILD! HE'S LOOSE" screamed Lucius. All the death eaters panicked when they heard the announcement. Some even left the manor all together to avoid the monster.

"I didn't sign up for this" one death eater cried.

Another was in the corner of his room rocking back and forth, "He's so crazy. Why did he make monkeys throw banana cream pies at us? That's impossible because monkeys can't bake."

Meanwhile the Dark Lord, Lucius and Snape were chasing Harry around the manor. Until finally…"I GOT HIM" shouted Snape.

Harry was under a deep sleep spell and sent back to his room which was fortified with spells, charms, guards and even more extreme had a harness around him with an unbreakable rope so even if he opened the door, he couldn't leave the room with the harness on his chest and the rope attached to the wall.

"Oh THANK MERLIN!"

They all celebrated with cries of joy and relief and went back to work.

Until the candy that Harry made turned into little candy soldiers and attacked everyone.

"HARRY POTTER" screamed Snape as he ran out of his potion lap covered in red taffy and bubble gum.

PLEASE REVIEW


	5. Chapter 5

I don't own Harry Potter (this includes books, movies, etc.)

Enjoy

Every death eater in the manor was on their toes after Harry's little candy army was finally destroyed.

And by "destroyed", that means they ate all the candy which gave most of them stomach aches and the rest terrible indigestion and…err…other bathroom-related issues.

Harry was quietly reading a book in his room, since he couldn't really move around at all. His dinner was brought to him, a plate of vegetables and some chicken. Harry looked grossed out.

"YUCK…veggies stink."

Voldemort who was at the door, as the house elf delivered the food, snarled and entered the room.

"YOU WILL EAT YOUR FOOD OR NOT EAT AT ALL!"

Harry stuck his tongue out at him, "You stink too!"

"HEY WATCH YOUR MOUTH."

Harry gave a sinister smirk, "Hey watch your mouth" he repeated to his "dad".

"Don't copy me Harry."

"Don't copy me Harry because I smell like farts and like to poop in my underwear" he said trying to imitate Voldemort's voice.

The Dark Lord's face turned red with rage and had to leave before he got REALLY mad.

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"Ok so if I add…amberbark root and some lily pad extract…it may reverse the de-aging affect on Harry's body but his memory will not return…hmm."

Snape was pondering as he skimmed through more potion books and ingredient books for a possible cure for Harry.

"Let's see…wait what's this…."

On one of the pages read a complicated but surefire potion to reverse most de-aging spells and potions, it's also been proven according to various participants as explained in the book to reverse any changes in memory or brain function due to the de-aging spell used.

"Still, the de-aging spell that the Dark Lord used has never been tested on or has ever been used in the first place so this potion may not work at all…it's still worth a try."

_Potion of Aging_

_Reverses any de-age potion or spell, to turn the intended back into pervious age and mindset._

_Ingredients:_

Moon-flowers

Seaweed flavored-salt water taffy

Coconuts from the Tree of nails and mouse traps on the Island of disappointment.

Hair from the intended to drink potion

A goblin's shoe

Ranch dressing

Finally, two tablespoons of chocolate milk for flavoring.

Snape stared at the ingredient list for a moment and blinked.

"This is the weirdest list I've ever seen. I've never heard of a tree with nails and mouse traps."

He sighed, "I'll have to tell the Dark Lord that I have to find the ingredients."

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Soon after Snape left, Harry escaped once again.

"RUN HARRY IS LOOSE AGAIN" the death eaters shouted.

Harry was currently summoning groups of elephants and butterflyes all over the manor.

"What should we do" shouted one death eater.

"We must appease the beasts with peanuts!"

The elephants ignored the treats and stepped on everything.

Voldemort was just returning to the manor when he saw what was going on.

"THIS CHILD IS GOING TO EITHER KILL ME AS A TEENAGER OR CAUSE ME HEART FAILURE AS A CHILD."

Voldemort subdued Harry once again and had him locked up in his room.

"How can we stop this madness" he said.

"My lord, we can also ask for help" said Lucius.

"FROM WHO?"

"From…a child psychologist."

DUN DUN DUUUUNNNN!

"I'll schedule an appointment for Monday. Now I'm for a sponge bath with a bowl of chocolate covered raisins" said the Dark Lord with a smile.

PLEASE REVIEW


	6. Chapter 6

I don't own Harry Potter (this includes books, movies, etc.)

**Sorry updating took so long, I had some writer's block and been busy so here is the next chapter at last.**

Enjoy

Snape just got off a boat that led to the island of disappointment. "Who would of thought, that this island had a daily ferry to it?"

The captain who was driving the small little boat nodded, "Yeah it got a little touristy when they built the resort on the island. It's off season now so it's fairly empty."

"A resort?"

"Yea it's called the Painful Heartbreak Hotel. It's quite popular; it offers rooms with endless chocolate boxes, tissues and chick-flicks."

Snape nodded, "Well thank you so much for taking the time to get me out here. The coconut tree I'm looking for it about a half an hour away from the shore, so pick me back up then."

The captain nodded, "Sure see you in a bit, I'll just sail about for a while."

Snape turned to walk into the forest; he recently managed to retrieve the moon flowers and seaweed taffy. He still had more ingredients to retrieve before he could return to the manor.

He was just glad was as far away from the little terror that was Harry Potter.

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Currently, Harry and Voldemort were going to visit a child psychologist in the wizard world, Dr. Pines.

They were waiting in the waiting room which was empty except for them of course. Voldemort used some glamors to hide his appearance and looked like a man in his late 20s.

Harry was also glamored to hide the scar but since he was a child, no one would think he was Harry Potter.

Harry was restrained with a harness strapped to his chest with the picture of a duck on it that was attached to a rope that Voldemort would stop so if Harry tried to run he would stop dead in his tracks.

"Hey Dad."

"Yes?"

"Can we get ice cream?"

"No Harry were going to visit a doctor today to behave."

Silence.

"Hey Dad."

"Yes Harry?"

"If we get the doctor ice cream too can we get some now?"

"No, we are not getting ice cream at all, so be quiet."

Silence.

"Hey Dad."

"What?"

"Can we get corn dogs instead?"

"NO WE'RE NOT GETTING ANY FOOD."

Silence.

"You wouldn't crabby if we had ice cream."

Finally the doctor came in, "Hello you must be Tom and this must be your son Harry, correct?"

Voldemort cringed at having to use his name but coming in as Voldemort with a six year old may not have gone over so well.

"Yes, I need some help with my…son, he's acting crazy."

"Let's go talk in my office; I have a play area for Harry here also. That sounds good Harry?"

Harry nodded politely.

Voldemort and the doctor sat down in his office while Harry was in the large playroom alone.

"So what seems to be the problem?"

"Well Harry has been acting completely out of control. He's been turning the house into a giant mess, turning my friend's hair color pink, he summoned monkey's that threw pies at me and my friends, and he won't stop no matter what we do to calm him down. Its madness."

"Well Harry is at that age when he will be act wilder then when he was a toddler. He wants to be active and explore his surroundings. Also at this point with magical children, their magic will run on imagination and their thoughts. It sounds like his magic is pretty powerful. What he needs a creative and safe outlet to let his active nature out but also stop him from pranking and acting out of control.

"What do you recommend?"

"Well…sports are very good at that. I see many boys and girls get into sports that acted just like your son and completely turned around. Also, being creative like in art and music is soothing to children and helps them express their magic and imagination positively. Just getting him involved and preoccupied will do the trick."

Voldemort thought for a moment, they were all good ideas."

"I'll find a class or something to enroll him in. Thank you doctor."

"Oh it's no trouble at all. Come back if you have questions."

As they walked into the playroom, they found the place to be covered in monkeys and pies.

They preceded the pelt the doctor and Voldemort with coconut cream pies.

"WHAT IS IT WITH YOU AND MONKEYS" shouted Voldemort.

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Snape walked to the shore of the island covered in mouse traps and looking extremely tired. It looked like he just was in a battle field.

"What happened" asked the Captain.

"The hotel wasn't empty I found out. It was having a party for single and divorced women who have a thing for men who scowl a lot."

The captain tried not to chuckle.

"Needless to say, I'm luckily to be alive" snarled Snape.

PLEASE REVIEW


	7. Chapter 7

I don't own Harry Potter (this includes books, movies, etc.)

**Sorry updating took so long; the internet was out for a few days.**

Enjoy

Snape was still away, looking for the ingredients he would need for the potions. While Voldemort was stuck with a terror in the house.

A little Harry Potter. He decided to put Harry in class to calm his overactive behavior. So he was put in a band class and would be taught how to play the violin. The doctor said the violin has been well known to calm rowdy children.

A disguised Voldemort and Harry Potter walked to the class not too far from Diagon alley.

Voldemort purchased a violin for Harry and when they got to the class he turned Harry around to face him.

"Now…son, I want you to behave. Your here to learn how to play an instrument which means being quiet and to pay attention. Understand?"

Harry nodded, "I'll be good dad."

Voldemort couldn't help but smile a little.

"I'll see you in two hours" he said and left the small classroom to attend to his work back at the manor while he had this time to himself.

He couldn't help but feel kind of sad that Harry wasn't around. After only about two weeks, the child has grown on him.

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Snape finally managed to get a goblin shoe…or rather steal one. Goblins really value their footwear.

Now he had to go to the market in the muggle world to get ranch dressing.

He had never heard of such a thing. Inside the supermarket, Snape looked around and was in awe of the large market.

It was a huge superstore. "Ok…where is the ranch dressing?"

After searching for about 30 minutes, he found the right aisle.

On the shelf were several bottles of ranch.

"Ok, there's fat free…balsamic flavored…there are a lot of bottles here."

"Well I don't want Harry to get fat but would fat free not have some ingredients that normal ranch has. It could affect the potion. I wonder if blue cheese would be good."

Suddenly a little goblin came running into the supermarket. "THERE'S THE GUY THAT STOLE MY SHOE!"

More goblins appeared, "GET HIM!"

The cashiers looked on; "Oh cool, they must be performers" shouted one excitedly.

Snape ran out of the store but managed to sneak a bottle of ranch into his pocket.

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Two hours had passed and Voldemort returned to the class to take Harry home.

"I hope everything was fine."

He opened the door to find Harry sitting, playing violin quietly. Voldemort was stunned, "Thank Merlin."

The teacher came up to him, "Harry did great today, he's showing the signs of a fantastic violinist."

Harry was so at peace that it had Voldemort jumping for joy in his mind.

Finally, Harry would be good and not bother the Death Eaters.

However when they got back to the Manor…well things didn't change much.

"MY LORD! HARRY HAS MONKEYS ATTACKING THE SERVANTS AGAIN!"

"WHAT IS IT WITH YOU AND MONKEYS?"

PLEASE REVIEW


	8. Chapter 8

I don't own Harry Potter (this includes books, movies, etc.)

Enjoy

Harry sat in his room, practicing his violin playing. The sounds of the instrument playing were quite soothing as it radiated throughout the manor.

Harry still pulled pranks but not nearly as much as before.

Voldemort was in his study when Snape came in. "Ah Severus, you've returned."

"Yes and I have all the ingredients for the potion I researched, this potion is a long shot but I'm willing to give it a try."

Voldemort nodded, he too wanted to do anything to get Potter back to normal.

"I'll be in my lab; it should take a few days to get the potion done."

He quickly ran down to his lab.

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Snape emerged from his lab with a scary smile on his face.

"IT IS ALIVE!MY CREATION IS ALIVE!"

Voldemort who was standing near him and Luicus stared at him.

"The potion is alive?"

"No you idiot, I finally brought my pet raccoon back to life. Come say hi Princess TuTu."

The raccoon hissed and jumped onto Lucius's face.

Voldemort stepped over him as he was rolling on the ground, struggling to get the animal off of him.

"What about the potion?"

"Hmm…oh yeah that's done, here."

He handed the Dark Lord a small bottle of glowing blue liquid.

"Wow that's it?"

"Yep, the potion is a small intake according to the book."

"Well alright let's get Potter fixed up."

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At dinner time, Harry was sitting at the table quietly as he ate some Mac and cheese. Voldemort sunk some of the potion in his food that faded into the cheese quickly.

Suddenly Harry made a violent jerk and began shaking violently.

He fell to the floor and Snape took him back to his room to keep an eye on him as he changed.

In a flash of light, Harry was…..

….

…..

A two year old.

Harry became younger, now he was a toddler.

This time Voldemort fainted and Snape screamed in frustration. Lucius was still fighting the raccoon.

"BAD PRINCESS TUTU BAD!"

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Sadly, Harry was not young enough when the Horcrux was created and…he wasn't potty trained yet.

"I'M NOT CHANGING HIM" shouted Snape.

"OH YES YOU ARE, I'M THE FREAKIN DARK LORD AND YOU WILL CLEAN HARRY POTTER'S POOP!"

All the Death Eaters were hiding apparently. One was huddled in a corner rocking back and forth.

"I can't clean him again…don't wipe it just makes it worse…."

Harry was wailing from having a dirty diaper.

"SOMEONE PLEASE HELP THIS CHILD" shouted Lucius.

Get a house elf to do it.

They turned to a house elf that was bringing in a plate of cookies and looked over at the baby.

"No f***ing way man" and the elf left the room.

"We're all doomed."

PLEASE REVIEW


	9. Rewritten chapter

I don't own Harry Potter (this includes books, movies etc.)

***Rewritten Chapter***

**Dear Readers, I over looked the last chapter and I admit it really sucked. I was really tired and overworked because I am literally buried in Homework and essays for my classes. I also write for the school paper and run a book club so I have no time and its draining my writing time.**

**To be perfectly honest, I may have to stop writing for the site for long periods of time because there is more and more stuff I need to do. So I scrambled to think of something to end this story.**

**I'm sorry that this was rushed but I made time to rewrite the entire chapter. I hope this comes out better. Thank you for your patience and support.**

Enjoy

Voldemort stood in his office pacing back and worth. Severus and Lucius was there too.

"So now we have a toddler to deal with…what are we going to do now" sighed Voldermort.

"Well maybe an incantation could do more than a potion" suggested Severus.

"I exhausted all my resources of books and magically knowledge to find an answer and I have nothing" said Voldemort.

"Me too…what are going to do."

Suddenly there was a loud crash and a scream that sounded very familiar to Lucius.

"Is Draco here?"

They all ran to Harry's nursery and found Draco being chased by a dragon throwing pies at him."

Baby Harry was giggling in his crib.

"How could he still use magic" cried Severus.

The dragon turned to them and started throwing pies.

"TAKE COVER" shouted the Dark Lord. They ducked under giant stuffed animals and Lucius grabbed his son's arm and they hid under a table.

They shot spells at the dragon and harry was still giggling away.

Finally Snape fired a spell that made the dragon disappear. That's when Harry started to cry.

Voldemort picked up the little monster and rocked him as gently as he could. And by that he was just barely not swinging him around like a circus monkey on the trapezes.

Soon the baby calmed down and fell to sleep.

When the left the room, the dark lord was fuming. "IS THERE ANY AGE THAT THIS MONSTER WON'T CAUSE ME TO HAVE HEART PALPITATIONS?"

"It could be the fact that you eat so much fast food, my lord."

Voldermort reached for the bag of chicken wings and French fries he had his minions pick up.

"But there so good."

"Ok, look we have a baby version of Potter and he's still a Horcrux what should we do" said Servus.

"He need hot sauce because these wings are dry" said Voldemort.

"Besides hot sauce we need a spell or some potion to being back the old Potter" said Severus.

"Maybe we should just let him age normally" said Lucius.

"HE'S TWO AND I'M NOT RASING HIM FOR THE NEXT 17 YEARS OF MY LIFE" roared Voldemort.

"Oh come on its not that bad."

"I DON"T EVEN HAVE A COLLEGE FUND FOR HIM!"

"You're the dark lord, you can figure it out."

Voldemort sighed "Well…I guess until something comes up were stuck with raising Potter.

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**3:47 am**

"WAAAHHHHHHH"

Voldemort got up and shuffled slowly to the nursery.

He picked up a bottle and the baby and cradled him so the baby was resting comfortably in his arm to drink some milk.

"You're such a whiny little monster."

The baby giggled and the dark lord tickled the baby, "Aww, who's my little annoying monster, you are. Whose brat I was going to kill as a teenager…you are."

Suddenly Snape came in his fuzzy pjs that had bananas on them and his pet, Princess Tutu was with him in a night gown.

"Dark Lord can you tell us a bed time story too, we can't sleep."

He glared that them for a moment then sighed, "Why not since I'm practically a dad now anyway. There goes my Dark Lord reputation."

They sat down in the rug and Voldemort took out a bedtime book from the bookcase next to him.

"Ok this is the story of the little mermaid, so shut up and listen."

The Lucius came in with his jump-suit like pjs with pictures of butterflies on them and his son came in with his pjs on too, with little bunnies on them.

"Yay, its story time."

Voldemort started to cry, "YOU ALL MAKE ME SO EMOTIONAL RIGHT NOW! I HAVE A FAMILY!"

Baby Harry cried again, "you have to stop yelling my lord."

When the baby quieted down he sighed, "We to be honest I don't want to be called Lord or Tom any more. I've always wanted to be called… Charles."

"Then Charles it is!"

Charles continued the story and everyone fell to sleep.

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**Two Weeks later**

Everyone was around the large dining room table discussing a VERY serious matter.

"Ok, since I'm Harry father of course, we need to know who will be the mom and other relatives."

Everyone looked at each other, "I want to be the brother" shouted Draco.

"Ok, that's good, what about a mom."

"How about Bella."

"ARE YOU CRAZY! SHE IS TOTALLY THE CRAZY GRANDMA TYPE" shouted Severus.

"Ok she is the crazy grandma" said Charles as he wrote all this down on paper.

"Can I be the distant uncle" asked Severus.

"Yes."

"BITCHIN!"

"I'll be the mom" said Lucius.

"But you're a guy" said Charles.

"He has long hair, so the baby won't know the difference until he is ten."

"I'll wear grapefruit in my shirt when he gets older."

"Fair enough, we need a grandpa…or should he be just dead" asked Charles.

Every nodded in agreement.

"Ok that's that; let's see…who will be the nanny since I see from a lot of the parenting magazines that tons of families have nannies."

"What do nannies do?"

"Pretty much everything the parents won't do like changing the diapers."

"I'll do it" shouted a random death eater.

"Who are you?"

"I'm Paul from accounting."

"We have accountants" asked Severus.

"Yes" said Charles.

"Since when?"

"Since SHUT UP!"

So for the rest of the day, everyone was assigned roles in the new family of Harry Potter.

PLEASE REVIEW, (hope this is better)


	10. Chapter 10

I don't own Harry Potter (this includes books, movies, etc. and I don't own any other movie mentioned in this fan fic.

**Just as a reminder from the last chapter, Voldemort changed his name to Charles. **

Enjoy

Baby Harry was sitting on Charles's lap as he fed Harry milk from a bottle. Lucius came into the room wearing a dress, scowling as he walked in with a pair of high heels in his hand.

"My Lord, do I have to wear this. I know we all agreed on the grapefruit thing but this is a bit much."

"You're the wife which means dresses, high heels, and LOOKING PRETTY!"

The baby started crying again.

"Seriously Charles, you're going to traumatize that baby with all the screaming you do."

Lucius picked up baby Harry and rocked him gently until he calmed down.

After being rocked gently, Harry fell to sleep in his arms.

They brought baby Harry to his crib and they left to go get some dinner.

#$#$##$#$#$$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#

Severus and Lucius were in the kitchen the next morning, Charles was up already doing some paperwork and Draco was with the baby.

"These grapefruit keep falling out of my shirt. I wish they would stay put" grumbled Lucius as he kept trying to hold up the grapefruits in his shirt."

Severus looked at him funny, "Don't you wear uh…you know support to keep them in?"

Lucius blinked, "Support?"

"You know…those female things that woman wear."

"…how would stockings help me?"

Severus sighed heavily, "Ok…when you and your wife were together…and I mean _together_…what was on her chest?"

"…her dress…"

Severus growled, "Have you never seen your wife naked?"

"No why would I?"

Severus looked shocked, "Then what about having Draco?"

"Oh my wife told me that babies come from owls that carry babies in baskets to their parents."

Severus was speechless. "You mean the stork idea of baby making?"

"Well yeah…that's where babies come from."

Severus banged his head on the table, "Oh this isn't good."

He took a deep breath and sat up, "Lucius…we need to have a very important talk right now. Better bake some cookies, were going to be here a while."

**Six hours later**

"OH MY GOD MY WIFE CHEATED ON ME! DRACO ISN'T MY SON!"

Severus clapped his hands, "Now you finally get it. Why the hell did think babies came from the sky? Have you never seen _Knocked Up_?"

"Yes, but I thought it was a Si-Fi movie."

"What?"

"I thought it was like that movie where the alien pops out of a human stomach." Severus sighed, "Ok lets back track, the point is someone else is Draco's real dad."

"But who?"

WHO IS DRACO'S FATHER? WILL LUCIUS FIND A WAY TO MAKE THE GRAPEFRUITS STAY IN HIS CHEST? WILL BABY HARRY EVER GET CHANGED?

PLEASE REVIEW TO FIND OUT!


	11. Chapter 11

**Important Author's Note (PLEASE, PLEASE read before you start the chapter):**

**First off, yes I've been away for a while and I do mean a WHILE, I've been so busy. I've gotten so many reviews asking for updates for a lot of my harry potter stories such as "A different destiny", "the dragon boy", "the mirror-blue night" and so many more. So I need some help in coming up with ideas since it's been a long time since I visited these stories. Please message me or write in the review section, your ideas of how to continue whatever story you want me to continue writing. If I chose your idea, I will put a huge thank you on that chapter since you're the one who would have given me the inspiration. **

**This also applies to all my Criminal Minds fan fic readers so please send me your ideas for stories I've written for fan fiction as well. Thank you so much and I really need the help. **

**NOW ON WITH THE CHAPTER!**

I don't own Harry Potter (this includes books, movies, etc.) or any products, video games, and movies mentioned in this story.

Enjoy

Severus, Lucius and baby Harry was in the kitchen a day after finding out that Draco wasn't his child after all.

They decided to call in an inspector to solve the mystery of Draco's real father. Baby harry was there just because Charles( aka Voldemort) was away for the day because he got a full time job as an accountant to afford baby stuff and a college fund for harry.

Being a Dark Lord and using mastermind plots to take over the world surprisingly doesn't pay so well.

Lucius was wearing his favorite purple dress with grapefruits that he duck taped to his chest; he refused to wear a bra because he said they were "itchy".

Baby Harry was gurgling happily on Severus's lap, "You know for a drooling little demon that was spawned from my most hated high school enemy…Harry is such a cute little baby."

Suddenly there was a knock at the door, "The inspector is here."

A man in a Sherlock homes costume with a pipe in his hand and a large over exaggerated mustache comes into the kitchen. He looked around and sees the baby.

"Is this the son you mentioned to me in the letter?"

"Oh no that one we adopted…sort of."

Baby Harry screams gleefully at the inspector.

"Cute kid…so where is the son that is a product of your wife's cheating?"

"He's in the next room; I haven't told him the news yet, so be discreet please" said Lucius quietly.

"Of course Mr. Malfoy, your son will be completely clueless."

Lucius called in his son and Draco came into the kitchen. "Please sit Draco."

The inspector watched him sit down…then shouted, "HOLD HIM DOWN AND TIE HIM TO THE CHAIR!"

Draco was too stunned to do anything as Severus used his wand to make ropes appear and tie Draco to the chair.

The inspector flipped the table away and Draco screamed in fear. The inspector stated yelling, "ALRIGHT YOU'RE MOTHER CHEATED ON YOUR FATHER SO YOU'RE NOT HIS CHILD!"

Draco looked way too traumatized to speak, but he finally was able to after a long pause.

"What's he talking about dad?"

Lucius looked furious, "YOU SAID YOU WOULD BE DISCREET!"

"Sometimes patience and sensitivity will not bring you answers in these trying cases."

"My mom cheated on you, dad" cried Draco.

"Well…yes…I'm sorry Draco."

Draco looked like a kicked puppy with his eyes becoming large and tears started to fall.

Lucius looked sadly at his non-biological son, "I still love you like a son and you will always be my child no matter."

Draco looked so happy and Lucius untied him and gave him a big hug. The inspector looked so touched that he cried, "WHAT A BEAUTIFUL MOMENT!"

Severus cried too, "OH THIS IS HOW I FELT WHEN I FOUND PRINCESS TUTU WHEN HE RAN AWAY!"

Baby Harry fell asleep because he was bored.

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When everyone calmed down, the inspector began his investigation of who was Draco's real father, "I don't know if I will find the answer or I will live to tell the truth but I will keep you informed of my findings weekly, good day Mr. Malfoy."

The man left and everyone sat in the kitchen and looked at each other, "So what do you guys want to do now" asked Lucius.

"…Want to go play _Left 4 Dead_ on my X-Box" asked Draco.

Severus shouted, "AWESOME, Lets kick some zombie ASS!"

Baby Harry giggled happily and then fell back to sleep.

PLEASE REVIEW


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